This story is one that I wrote with the intention of only being a little funny and silly, but it ended up feeling like sample of my own inner monologue. It isn't, and never could be, fully me, but it is a character a lot like me, at least.
Writing prompt from /r/WritingPrompts:“You’ve diligently locked your door for 48 nights in a row. Tonight you forgot.”
I look into a mirror that looks back at me. I always like the reflection I see now. I used to think the reflection looked overweight, more goofy clothes, and just pervaded an essence of patheticness. Not anymore though. I have put considerable time into improving my body. It feels good to have succeeded.
Though my dental health could improve. My teeth are pretty straight and pretty white, but I know I could brush more. I grab the toothbrush in front of the mirror. I have recently switched to using a more salty tasting toothpaste. It uses some kind of baking soda and everyone tells me it is much better for your teeth. I don’t know much about the topic, but I will take their word for it. Though, I do hate the taste of it. I think I could get more used to it. At least, that is what my friend tells me.
I spread the toothpaste across the brush, and place it in my mouth. I had a pretty good day today, all in all. Actually, I have had a pretty great week. I’ve been able to hit the gym everyday. My boss is happy with me, and this weekend I have a date with a cute girl I met on Tinder.
Has it been two minutes yet? Sure, whatever. It probably has only been a minute, but I want to go to bed. I rinse the brush and place it back in the cup in front of the mirror. I give myself a smile in the mirror and admire myself for a moment.
I turn away from the mirror towards the door and flip off the light. My room sits across the hallway from the bathroom, and I quickly scurry into my room. As I enter my bedroom, I make a gigantic leap from my door into my bed, and quickly get under the tattered white comforter. I cozy my face into one of my pillows, flip onto my back and do the same into my comforter. So soft! Truly heaven on Earth.
I pick up my second pillow from the floor and put it on top of my first one. It is time for my nightly sleep ritual. But first I have to take these damn clothes off. I take my phone out of my pocket, and decide to leave my wallet and keys. I am not going to need those now. I clumsily slip out of my jeans, shirt, and socks and toss them on the floor. I’m lying face up to the ceiling.
So… Instagram? Porn? Youtube? Perhaps I could just fall asleep? Supposedly you get better sleep if you don’t stare at a phone before bed. Tired. I think I will just fall asleep.
I turn to the side of my body and toss the second pillow off my bed again. I snuggle into my comforter and close my eyes. Yes, this is nice.
Did I lock the door? Damnit! I don’t remember! It is part of my regular rotation so it is one of those things I do mindlessly. Damnit! How many times am I going to do this? I am always worrying myself so much. I always lock the door but I worry about it almost twice a week.
I should go check…
Actually no! I’m not going to go check. I feel like this is something I need to get over. I refuse to check! Plus, it is almost certainly locked anyways.
I feel like I ruined all the effort I have put into falling asleep now. I rest a blanket over my ear and try to clear my mind.
What if I didn’t lock my door? What if this is the one night a burglar tries my door?
Without a dog around anymore, I don’t have an alarm for these kinds of things. I have a ton of friends stuff downstairs right now. If their stuff gets stolen, I will be so mad at myself. I mean… What about my stuff? If my laptop gets stolen, I will be screwed. Plus, I don’t think I locked up my gun all the way. I’m sure there is stuff I am not thinking of that I could lose.
Jesus, listen to yourself right now. I am probably the only person that worries so much about these things. I know my friends don’t worry about these things.
I love that I am sitting here worrying about my friends’ and my things. What about my life?
Eh, if someone kills me, I will be dead. However, if my stuff gets stolen, I will know about it and that sounds like a huge pain in the ass.
… Maybe I should just go look. I will definitely fall asleep easier. But I am so sick of doing this. This is always the case.
I need to just imagine something that will distract me so I can fall asleep. Like in Episode 2 when Anakin says he doesn’t like sand. Like what does it mean to not like sand? At what point does dirt official become sand?
… Oh! The sun is coming up! Must have fallen asleep.
I throw the comforter off myself and onto the floor. I hop out of bed.
I walk to the bathroom and flip on the light. I definitely need a shave today. I do a few poses, flex at the mirror, and admire myself a bit. Who is the sexy mother fucker? Me, bitch! I step over to the shower and turn it on to begin warming up. I leave to start the coffee machine.
Time for some tunes! I play “Closer” by the Chainsmokers as I stand at the top of the stairs. I fly down the stairs and pass my front door.
Shit! I really did forget to lock the front door. And would you look at that? Nothing happened. Not shit. I mean someone trying to open my door the one night I forget to lock just seems incredibly unlikely.
That is so unlike me though! I never to forget to lock the door.
… Oh well.
Meet the Author : John Knetemann
From Denver, Colorado. Educated in Rapid City, South Dakota. Living in Amsterdam, The Netherlands.
The most epic and daring content writer you will find on the east side of the Amstel... And sometimes the west side too. I am from the land of mountains, but now live in the land of very small hills and canals. Truly a native of the internet, I work with companies to build adventurous content, engaging social media identities, and addictively informative email campaigns.